


How Many Times

by Lokidog



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-21
Updated: 2005-06-21
Packaged: 2018-12-17 17:25:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11856234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokidog/pseuds/Lokidog
Summary: Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived atStargatefan.com. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onStargateFan Archive Collection profile.





	How Many Times

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

**How Many Times**

Jack closed his eyes and leaned back against the cave wall, breathing slow and deep. We'll get through this. Carter and Teal'c should be at the Stargate. One more night, Daniel, and we'll be home. A muffled moan penetrated Jack's thoughts. He turned his head to the side.

"Daniel, are you awake?" he asked softly.

Silence and a small twitch from the huddled form answered Jack's query.

"Didn't think so," he said, laying his hand on the fevered brow. "You've got enough morphine in you to keep you on cloud nine for a few days... God willing. Christ, Daniel. I've done it again, haven't I? Promised you the trip of your dreams. A veritable archaeological orgasm. But what happened? Shit happened and it landed right on you. Damn it, I never learn, do I? I was right from day one. Civilians in the military. It doesn't work. How many... damn it," Jack muttered, fighting back tears he wouldn't allow. "How many times do you have to die or get injured before I get that through my thick skull? God help me, Danny, but I can't do this anymore. Every time you get hurt, I lose a little more of my soul. Every time... every time you lose someone, my heart bleeds for you, but I don't what to say or what to do. I'd give you the freaking universe if I could. No one deserves It more than you do. for crying out loud, I'm blubber. ing like a baby. That's it, I'm telling Hammond you're off the team. Right, who am I kidding? You are the team. I said it a long time ago and I'll say it again. You're the heart and soul of SG-1. You're what makes us work. Okay, you're on the team, but you stay planet.side. You're always saying you never get to finish a job. Barely get going on something and you get yanked off to another planet, another crisis, another near.death experience. God, listen to me. I could sell tickets to this. Front row seats to the Jack O'Neill pity-fest. Yeah, it's what I do best. Crap, Daniel. Tell me to shut up, will ya?"

Jack looked down at his injured companion and shook his head.

"How many times have I had this conversation? I need you, Daniel. Probably more than I've ever needed anyone or anything. I wasn't lying when I said I lose a little bit of myself each time you get hurt. The ironic thing is, every time we go through that 'gate together I feel, I don't know, a kinship or something. It's special, I know that. I feel I have a purpose. I look over at you and I just feel... better. And when you solve a riddle? God, Danny, I am so damn proud of you it hurts. Sometimes... sometimes, when I look at you I can't help thinking of Charlie and all my protective instincts kick in. I know you don't need protecting, Daniel. Well, maybe from me. But sometimes I just have to do it... for me. Can you understand that? Listen to me. You're six sheets to the wind and I'm trying to have a philosophical debate. Typical though, right? When you want to talk it's, 'Shut up, Daniel', 'This conversation is over, Daniel', '1 don't have time for this, Daniel'. Oh shit, here I go again. So, how many tickets do you think I could sell? Okay, give away then? Maybe one of those charity gimmicks where you hit the target and my ass lands in a tank of water or mud. Yeah, I think a lot of people would line up for that. You and Carter could fight for first 'dibs'. Carter's a good kid, isn't she? Kids. You're all just kids. Well, except for Teal'c. Guess we're all kids to him. Anyhow, you're still my kids and I'm damn proud of every one of you. Prouder to be your friend. I am you friend, aren't I, Danny? I want to be. I mean to be. I need to be. Hell, you're the reason I'm here. Was it worth it, Daniel? Oh crap, I really need to shut up. I'm going to go outside and check on the weather, okay? I won't be long."

Jack absently ruffled his friend's hair and then stood up, wincing slightly as his own cuts and bruises reminded him of their presence. He quickly checked Daniel's torso, pleased to see the dressing dry and clean.

"It looks good, Daniel," he whispered softly. You're gonna be fine." _Till when? The next time? How many more times, Jack? Are you keeping count? When is it enough? When he's dead and stays dead?_

"Shut the hell up," Jack gritted between clenched teeth as he turned and stumbled out of the cave.

Jack squinted into the darkening sky. A light drizzle was falling. He stepped out into the warm rain, closed his eyes and looked up, relishing the cool, cleansing sensation. He released the sob in his throat and allowed himself the luxury of tears.

**********

_Wake up. Wake up._

Daniel tried to get up. He knew he should get up. God, he felt like he'd slept for days. _Please don't let me be late for a briefing, or worse, a mission. I'm sorry, Jack, but I really can't seem to wake up. Just a few more minutes, okay?_

Jack watched in concern as Daniel moaned and twitched in his sleep.

"Daniel? Shh, go back to sleep," he whispered, patting his shoulder. "There's nothing happening here, buddy. Just me, myself, and a whole lot of bullshit."

Daniel murmured as if in response and settled back into a deep sleep.

"That's it," Jack said approvingly, pulling the sleeping bag up around the younger man's shoulders.

Daniel sighed and burrowed into the bag.

"You'd make a great cat, Daniel," Jack said fondly. "All fiercely independent but still happy to get a tickle and a rub. Me, I'm a dog kinda guy, or I was. Always needed people around me. Maybe that's why I took to the military so easily. Feed me, water me, give me a bed, tell me what to do, and reward me when I do good. Pretty simple. Until Iraq. They hung me out to dry on that one, Danny. Balls flapping in the breeze. Never looked at Uncle Sam the same way after that. Then Charlie. Sara. God, Daniel, you've seen me at my worst. You couldn't have come at a better time or a worse time. I like to think it was the right time. That you and I were destined to come together. Do you believe in destin~ Daniel? I never gave it much thought myself. Not until the Stargate. There's gotta be a reason we're here...doing this. You've got all the answers, Daniel. Why are we here? It can't be some big cosmic fluke. Come on, help me out here. This is that meaning of life stuff you love so much."

Jack gazed at the still, silent form beside him.

"I was going to stay, you know. On Ernest's planet. I think that was the first time you really scared the hell out of me. I knew you'd die if you stayed behind. I also knew I'd never let you stay alone. No goddamned way I'd do to you what they did to Ernest. Unforgivable. Fifty years. Jesus. Can you imagine us stuck together somewhere for fifty years? Hey, maybe you'd finally understand hockey."

Daniel stirred in his sleep, a frown creasing his face. _Oh, God, I'm dreaming about hockey. I'm trapped in a nightmare. Wake up, wake up, woke up._

"Mmph."

"Daniel?"

"Mmph... no... help."

"Daniel, take it easy. You're okay. Try not to move," Jack soothed, crouching over his awakening friend.

" Jack?"

"Yeah, it's me. Just be still. Go back to sleep."

"Sleep? No... bad dreams," Daniel muttered, forcing his eyes open.

"Bad dreams?" Jack asked worriedly.

Daniel frowned in his half.asleep stupor. "Yeah, hockey... or something."

Jack laughed and shook his head.

"Okay, but stop moving around until you're awake, okay?" 

"'kay," Daniel conceded, lying still while his brain caught up to his body.  
Jack tumed the lantern up which cast a warm glow over his injured team mate.

Daniel blinked rapidly as he responded to the sudden brightness. He looked around cautiously, tuming his head slightly. His gaze settled on Jack and the older man smiled at the clarity in the blue eyes.

"We're in a cave?" Daniel asked.

"Yep."

Daniel nodded, closed his eyes then opened them again. "Sam and Teal'c?"

"They're fine," Jack said easing the worry in his friend's eyes. "They're back at the SGC. They'll be here tomorrow with some help."

"Help," Daniel repeated and frowned. "Why do we, ow."

"Easy, Daniel," Jack admonished, pushing him down gently. 

"I'm okay, I'm okay," Daniel gasped, his hand clenching Jack's shoulder. "I just... forgot."

"Do you remember what happened?"

Daniel nodded and grimaced. "Like a bad scene out of an Indiana Jones movie. Booby-trap, and I walked right into it. Think I'd know better by now," he said, relaxing his grip on Jack's arm as the pain subsided.

"Hey, it wasn't your fault," Jack said, grasping the hand on his arm.

Daniel looked into the warm, caring eyes. He smiled and said, "Well, it sure as hell wasn't your fault. Let's blame Teal'c, okay? He's big. He can take it."

Jack laughed and patted his friend's hand. "Easy for you to say. You're injured. He won't go after you, but me? Crap, I'd be looking over my shoulder every five seconds. No, thank you."

"Ah, right, that Jaffa revenge thing."

"Exactly. "

"Well, we can't blame Sam as she probably patched me up," Daniel declared.

"And a damn good job she did," Jack amended.

"One of those crappy days then," Daniel said weakly.

"Yeah. Look, you should rest," Jack said, uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Can't... thirsty. "

"Okay, but just a little," Jack cautioned as he reached for the canteen.

"Help me," Daniel said as he tried to sit up.

"For crying out loud, Daniel. Take it easy. Carter's good but she's no Doc Fraiser," Jack reprimanded as he helped the younger man sit up. "Here, lean on me," he said, as he wrapped his arm around Daniel's shoulders and pulled him in slightly. "There, how's that?"

"Good. This is good," Daniel murmured, his head lolling on Jack's chest.

Jack could feel his friend's weight getting heavier and he smiled.

"Hey, I thought you were thirsty," he admonished lightly. "Hmm? Oh, sorry. Yeah, I am."

"Lean back a little," Jack instructed. "That's good. Okay, small sips. Easy."

Daniel did as instructed and savoured the cool liquid on his lips and in his mouth. He swallowed carefully, pleased with the results.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," Jack said, placing the canteen down and wrapping both arms around Daniel.

''Warm enough?" he asked, resting his cheek on Daniel's head.

"Yeah. You're nice and warm," Daniel murmured sleepily. "Let me know if you get uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay."

Jack held his friend and teammate close. Several minutes later he was sure Daniel had fallen asleep and he felt himself drifting. Daniel, however, had other plans.

" Jack?"

"Daniel?"

"I need to do this."

Jack frowned in puzzlement as he tried to decipher the cryptic words.

"Sure... okay," he said hesitantly.

Daniel snickered softly. "You don't know what I'm talking about."

"No, no I don't," Jack sighed.

"I'm good at that, aren't I?"

"You, Danny.boy, are the best at that," Jack conceded. Jack could feel Daniel try to sit up so he helped him and gently eased him back against the wall.

"Okay?" Jack asked.

Daniel nodded as he pushed the pain down. He opened his eyes and looked at Jack.

Jack could see the pain even in the dim light, but it was overshadowed by a fierce determination that he could only define as 'Daniel Jackson'.

"What is it you need to do?" he asked, acknowledging the look.

Daniel visibly relaxed and his gaze softened.

"I need to go through the Stargate. With you, with Sam, and with Teal'c. I can't go back to what I was. I can never go back. I don't want to go back. I've never felt more alive, even with all the dying," he added ruefully.

Jack swallowed hard and looked away.

"Jack," Daniel said gently. "I know how much it hurts you when things go wrong, when one of us gets hurt... but shit happens."

"Damn it, Daniel," Jack whispered, unable to articulate his thoughts.

"I trust you, Jack. I always will. I know I take chances, but that's because I know you're there watching my back. This," he said, pointing to his bandaged chest, "this was just pure bad luck. It could've happened to anyone of us." .

"I doubt that, Daniel," Jack said grimly, "but lucky for you, or unlucky for you, I'm a selfish bastard."

Daniel furrowed his brow in puzzlement.

"I'm sorry, Daniel," Jack explained, "but I want you on my team. I can't imagine SG.1 without you and God knows I've tried."

Daniel closed his eyes and smiled. "Finally, we're on the same page."

"Let's try to keep it there," Jack said.

"Got my vote," Daniel agreed.

"Colonel O'Neill, do you copy?" Jack's radio crackled in his ear.

"Yeah, Carter, I copy. What's your status?"

"We're three hours from your position, sir. How's Daniel?"

Jack smiled and leaned towards Daniel. "I'm fine, Sam," Daniel said into the radio. "You did a great job."

"Daniell" she exclaimed and they could hear the grin in her voice. "It's great to hear your voice. I'll pass on the good news and we'll be there soon."

"We're not going anywhere, Major. O'Neill out. Well, you just made her day," Jack smiled.

"Three hours," Daniel commented. "What should we do?"

"Get comfortable?" Jack shrugged, shaking his friend's shoulder.

"Sounds like a plan," Daniel said, settling into the shelter of Jack's embrace.

"Need anything for the pain?" Jack asked.

"No, I want to remember this."

Jack chuckled and kissed the top of Daniel's head.

"Get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

Daniel nodded sleepily and closed his eyes.

" Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"No hockey talk."

"Promise," Jack said, holding his friend just a little tighter.


End file.
